


Confused Orc Or Horny Goblin?

by ladyoneill



Series: Games We Play: Teen Wolf Mating Game Entries [11]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Crack, Dubious Consent, Gen, Goblins, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-25
Updated: 2014-05-25
Packaged: 2018-01-26 10:18:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1684772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyoneill/pseuds/ladyoneill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek's been captured by a horrible creature that is using him for nefarious purposes...and, really, Stiles can't help but laugh himself to tears every time he thinks about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Confused Orc Or Horny Goblin?

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Mating Games Bonus Challenge 3 which was to incorporate an out of context D&D quote. The first line is the quote. The dubcon is, well, Derek is being attacked by an amorous goblin.

"So, he's not dead? He's just getting felt up by confused orcs?"

"Horny orc, singular," Stiles corrects, a tad gleefully. "Though, to be fair, I think it's some form of lesser goblin."

Scott gives him a look. "That's not the point. You made it sound like he was being killed. Why aren't you helping him?"

"Him werewolf. Me human. It gross and I'm not touching them with a ten foot pole."

"He's Pack." That sounds a bit self-righteous, and Stiles shoots his best friend a side eye while he snorts.

"I don't see you racing in to rescue him."

Looking embarrassed, Scott shuffles his feet and rubs the back of his neck, then whispers, "It's holding him upside down pressed to its...er...parts, and it's barely wearing a loincloth, and, oh God, that bulge..."

"Maybe Derek's enjoying it? I mean, who are we to question his love life? I think he's wiggling a bit." Stiles grins wider as a growl comes from the not-dead werewolf suspended upside down, face to crotch with a lesser goblin that keeps rubbing him up and down.

"I tried moving, you idiots. It started doing _this_."

"Oh, yeah, call us names. That really makes us want to help."

"Stiles, I will rip out your throat with my..."

"Teeth," Stiles finishes, yawning. "So original."

Derek growls and then squeals--a manly, werewolfy squeal--when the goblin rubs its face in his crotch. "Get me down!"

"We probably should." Scott hesitates and gives Stiles a pathetic look. "We don't want werewolf goblin babies running around."

"NOW!"

Laughing, because the goblin is now jiggling faces to crotches and making 'num num' noises, Stiles pulls a vial of dust from his pocket, opens it, and blows it over the entwined pair.

The goblin sneezes and drops the werewolf on his head, before skittering off into the bushes, shaking at the dust clinging to it.

Rubbing his nose, Derek glares at both Scott and Stiles. "We are never talking about this," he says stiffly, jumping to his feet and stalking in the opposite direction of the goblin.

Stiles looks at Scott and smirks. "We are so bringing this up every time Derek gets huffy about something."

"Did he...did he...have a stiffie?" Scott whispers, scandalized.

As Stiles bursts into fresh laughter, there's a loud 'No' from the direction Derek stalked.

Damn, why didn't he take a picture?

End


End file.
